Unravel
by opheliadrowned
Summary: HideKane drabbles.
1. Fool

**_Fool_****- Beginnings: first encounter between 2 or more characters. Innocence, foolishness, risk-taking.**

_8 years old_ - elementary school

Kaneki as usual was sitting in the furthermost corner of the classroom, his eyes glued to a book. The teacher was about to take attendance, and he had always listened with half an ear for which pause to say his presence. It meant he wasn't as absorbed in the book as he'd like to be, but there was more time for that later. In retrospect, whenever late or dozing other kids would jump at the chance to call out for someone else, so there wouldn't have been any sparsity to ask. Unfortunately, eight-year-old Kaneki lacked the social capability to ask a mere stranger. So he continued reading and listening.

The warmth of the sunlight near the window grazed his face and he thought of the long walk home he'd have to take. Swallowing his lips, Kaneki turned to face the rest of the class. Absently, his eyes drifted past them all, taking in the trite laughing expressions and sense of camaraderie belonging to the separated groups. He stopped, and shifted his gaze back to the opposite corner near the entrance, where the teacher was crouching to talk face to face with another student.

He first noticed the bright fiery hair on the boy. It shot out in a frenzy as if wanted to get away from the little boy's head. Kaneki smiled at the silly thought. The boy's eyes were wide and brown colored. His small skinny figure suggested an almost angelic innocence to him. The little boy was nodding furiously to whatever the lady had said.

When their conversation was finished, Kaneki stumbled to look away quickly. The burning weight of a stare from the fiery-haired boy's direction had him feeling paranoid he had been caught, but he refused to meet the look. He pretended to focus on his book, although it was goofy because he knew he was supposed to keep an ear out once roll call started. His last name being in the middle of the list didn't help his position.

Unexpectedly, the teacher went to the front of the class and pulled the fiery-haired boy along with her. Surprisingly, the boy wasn't reluctant but rather beaming at the faces of the other boys brightly. Noticing an announcement was about the take place, the class quickly shushed to a few murmurs and then complete waiting silence.

The teacher smiled. "It appears we have a new student today. This is Nagachika Hideyoshi, say hello everyone."

"Hello Nagachika," the class said slightly out of unison. Giggling had erupted from a group of girls. Kaneki sent them a curious look before giving his attention back to the front.

The little boy squirmed a bit before squeaking out, "Call me Hide. Everyone calls me Hide back home."

After a lengthy silence, the teacher shot all the children a glare. "_Well_," she stressed sharply, "Say hello."

The students were startled into submission. "Hello Hide!" rang out in different tones and timings. A couple kids tittered at the messiness of it all, and the group of girls in the back had burst out laughing again.

The little boy in the front smiled cheerfully; little dimples shone from his flushed cheeks. Kaneki swore he heard a girl coo and another whisper _he's cute_ from his right. The comment was followed by more giggling. The fiery-haired boy-Hide-ignored the murmurs and said brightly, "Hello to you too!"

This bold announcement brought the little boy more pairs of eyes to him. Kids who hadn't shied away from all the attention by this point were rare. Kids who thrived in it where even rarer. Kaneki felt slightly envious he couldn't talk like that in front of people. There was always that awful sensation pressing at his throat whenever he had to talk to a group. It was another reason he gave up on creating friends. They usually came in groups, and he couldn't help mumbling and shrinking in on himself whenever the amount of people enlarged.

Swallowing his lips, Kaneki focused his gaze on the book, but realized he couldn't help flickering his eyes back to the front of the classroom. The teacher had gone on to give attendance, and left the new boy to choose a seat.

Kaneki watched openly, wondering which group the boy would choose. Matthew, Johnny, and the more rowdy boys claimed the spot near the toy basket; they were a likely choice and clearly beckoned him with their wide friendly gazes. If not, another choice would be near Tony, Donn, and the Ly twins. Their group was fused between their love of gross things and the comedic hilarity of farts. They nudged each other and giggled to each other. A group of girls were clustered near the windows, and another near the heaters. They whispered to each other, and some smiled shyly at him invitingly. The new boy appeared perturbed to make a decision. His eyes flew around the room and then fastened on Kaneki. His lips stretched in a friendly smile. Startled, Kaneki turned around to see if he was greeting someone else but there was only the wall. He could only blink at the boy. Surprisingly enough, Kaneki watched as the fiery-haired boy walked past the other groups and stopped by Kaneki's desk.

"Hi, I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide. Everyone calls me that," He exclaimed avidly, as if he hadn't just gone over this. "Can I sit with you?"

Kaneki was too surprised to respond. He watched with a mouth open.

"What's your name?" The boy asked, realizing the words would have to be pried out of him.

Straightening, he mumbled his name. "Kaneki Ken."

The new boy nodded furiously and repeated it to himself. "Kaneki Ken."

He stared at the new boy who had sat down in the previously empty seat next to him. His gaze flickered to the rest of the class; he expected them to be astonished that the new boy chose to sit by him, but no one paid them any attention. The little Hide had managed to gain from his entrance had quickly vanished. The kids were laughing again in their own conversations. Kaneki pushed down the pressure rising in his throat, and turned his gaze back to the boy seated next to him.

Uncomfortably, he wondered if he was supposed to say something now. Searching for words, yet not coming up with anything suitable, he hoped they wouldn't have to conversate and opened his book again.

That was when Hide spoke. "So what's that you're reading? I saw you with it before. It looks cool."

Surprised again, Kaneki smiled at the new boy. "Well, it's a story about these two kids who go on an adventure…" He tried to summarize the brilliance of the story, although he felt like he hadn't done a good job expressing the enormity of the novel. Nevertheless, he was finding that it was much easier to talk about his books. Plus, Hide had an engaged attentive face the entire time; it was perfect to talk to and know he was being heard.

Once he was finished, heat pooled in his cheeks. Had he been talking for too long? That was virtually never a problem with him before, but it felt as if that was the longest he had opened up to someone for. Kaneki stared at the floor in embarrassment.

"Wow, that's so cool!" Hide exclaimed.

Kaneki's eyes flickered up. He smiled at the response, and then suddenly felt overcome with the urge to share. "Y-you can read it too if you want. Once I'm done. Which will be soon."

Hide beamed at him. The pure happiness was rolling off him in waves and Kaneki couldn't help but soak it up. "Great, I can't wait to try it!"

"I'll be done in three days. Maybe two." Kaneki tried to keep up with the large amounts of energy pouring off the boy. What was this thick feeling in his chest?

"That's really quick for a book that big," Hide declared. "You must be smart."

Kaneki stuttered, "I don't know. I just read a lot."

Does that make a person smart? He wouldn't know. He felt rather clueless most of the time if he was being honest. The comment made him glow a bit though.

Hide continued. "No, maybe you're just _modest_. Do you know that word? It means when someone is shy about what they're good at. I think that's you. Because you're probably really good at reading if you do it a lot."

Kaneki flushed at that. Noticing, Hide changed the subject. "Besides, it's good to have smart friends, my mom says."

"Friends?" Kaneki stammered.

"Yeah, " Hide faltered. "I mean...if you want to be. It'd be nice if you did. I just moved here from Winati so I don't have any friends here. Wait, no. Let me do that again!"

Hide closed his eyes, took a deep breath, muttered something under his breath, before opening his eyes and grinning hopefully at him. "Do you want to be my friend?"

"Erm, yes?" squeaked Kaneki, startled at the fast pace of the new boy's tongue and the intensity of his gaze.

Hide laughed and cheered. "My first friend here!"

With that he pulled the shorter boy into a tight hug. Kaneki was surprised and didn't really know how to return it. He would usually snuggle into his Mom whenever she hugged him but he felt that this was different. He had seen adults pat the other on the upper back whenever hugging, so he awkwardly tried to mimic them and hoped the other boy didn't mind his lousy attempts. Due to the lack of complaint, Kaneki assumed he didn't.

Hide abruptly pulled away and placed his hands on Kaneki's shoulders intently. "Do you live by the ice cream shop close to Wilmet?"

He hesitated. "Yeah. How…?"

Hide waved it off. "I saw you walking with your mom and brother when we were moving in. My mom told me to say hi but I was too shy," he shared with a goofy smile.

Kaneki wanted to say he couldn't imagine the other boy as shy, but hesitated with the other comment. He chose to respond to the latter. "That was probably my aunt and cousin. I don't have a brother."

"Oh," Hide blinked, then quickly recovered. "You two look like each other."

Kaneki shrugged, feeling weird talking about his family. He remembered that day vividly. It started when his aunt was talking very loudly to his mom in the other room. There was a door slam, and his aunt grabbed her six-year-old son who Kaneki was playing with, sent him a peculiar look, and headed out.

Perturbed, Kaneki followed them for the first block curiously, until he was noticed and admonished for "sneaking up on them." Kaneki was told to keep quiet about it. His aunt bought them ice cream after complaint, and they walked home in the hot sun while she talked sharply into her phone. He wondered how his mom was doing, and later found her working on the laundry as usual when he checked up on her. That day wasn't anything special, yet Hide had somehow noticed him.

"Anyways," Hide was speaking again. "Let's walk home together after school. My mom says to never walk alone. It's dan-ger-ous."

"Sure," Kaneki agreed. He didn't mention how he walked alone everyday. No one had ever told him not to. He couldn't imagine why that'd be a bad thing and figured that Hide's mom was simply overprotective. Who would want to hurt him?

The day went by fast with Hide by his side. The new boy was strangely perceptive about things. He picked up the tacit ways of the school quickly; how the kids generally stayed away from the red side of the playground because of the rumor of rats, the buddy system for going to the bathroom, the admired feat of finishing the monkey bars, and the general restlessness and mischief that took place during nap time. Hide took everything in stride. He gave off the air that he could've fit in with anybody.

Then school was soon over, and they grabbed their backpacks and began the walk home. Kaneki couldn't help glancing at the new boy from time to time. His golden hair fell over his forehead, and his clothes were as bright as his personality. He had a faint smile on his face, and when he turned to Kaneki his smile grew wider.

"Let's get some ice cream," Hide proclaimed.

"Um," he stammered. "Why?"

"Why not?" the boy returned evenly. "It's hot out, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping-it's the perfect day for ice cream. Don't you want some too?"

"Yes," he said automatically.

"Okay we're going then. Do you have money?"

Kaneki thought of his weekly allowance given for lunch. He could miss a meal tomorrow; it wouldn't hurt. "Yeah."

"Great," Hide declared. "Let's go."

"Uh Hide?"

"Yeah?"

"It's this way."

The new boy switched directions, and pulled him along by the sleeve with a beaming smile on his face that Kaneki couldn't help returning equally as brightly.


	2. Sun

_**Sun - **_**Positivity. A scene that made you smile. / Fun, warmth, success.**

The arrival of school always indicated disaster. Especially for sixth grade; that's when things turned to shit. There were couples left and right. Experiments with kissing and touch were being conducted. Hormones were running through the air. Of course, Kaneki wasn't apart of any of that. Neither did he desire to be.

All Kaneki needed was a good novel in one hand and warm cup of tea in the other to enjoy his day. Maybe also a portion of Hide to brighten it.

There were times when things were simple. Kaneki could remember one pleasant summer day before sixth grade when they were at Hide's house lazing on a soft couch. Kaneki was focused on reading a novel, as Hide was entertaining himself on his phone as the news scrolled in front of them on the television screen. It wasn't until Hide pressed the volume higher that Kaneki looked up from his novel, slightly dazed from switching universes, now back into reality. The light shone changing colors on Hide's rapt face.

"Another ghoul attack has left citizens in a panic at the 4th ward. These new creatures are fearsome and shrouded in mystery. CCG investigators will be covering area," the news anchor said.

Kaneki made a face. Ghouls were frightening to think about. They had only re-emerged back into Japan after centuries of mythical rumors dating back to ancient times. Not much was known of the species. When he glanced at Hide, he was startled at intensity of the look on his face.

"Hide?"

The fiery-haired boy snapped out of it and turned to Kaneki. "Oh sorry," he smiled sheepishly at Kaneki and gestured to the screen. "It's just all so..."

"Yeah. Scary."

Hide rested a finger on his pink-bud lips. "I was going to say fascinating, but that works too."

Kaneki scrunched his nose. "You're weird."

Hide burst into laughter and pointed an accusatory finger at him. "That's why you love me! Besides, you're obsessed with your books and creepy figureheads, so I can have this."

"It's not an obsession," he protested, "I just like Hensa Goyle's works. A lot of people do."

"Whatever Kaneki, don't defend yourself to me," Hide waved it off. "You know I love you, weird habits and all."

He couldn't help it. "What weird habits? _You_ are the one who highlights diagonally, who eats ketchup by itself, and who only wears bright colors. I'm not the weird one in this relationship."

"Relationship?" Hide quirked a brow and gave him a shit-eating grin. "I didn't know you felt that way about me. Not that surprising considering the looks."

Kaneki shut his eyes in embarrassment. The word just slipped out. He made a face and whined. "Hide…"

"What?"

He was suddenly pinned to the couch, his book slid out of his grasp and fell to the floor. He felt warm breath on his face, and his eyes fluttered open. Of course, Hide was on top of him with a playful smile. Kaneki felt his stomach twist uncomfortably, but ignored it. Hide's brown eyes twinkled mischievously as he straightened. "Can't say I'm opposed to it."

Kaneki tried to push the taller boy off but he wouldn't budge. "Get off of me," he complained. "You're so heavy."

"Good," Hide scoffed, getting comfortably in his new position. He reached down to swipe the bag of chips off the opposite end of the couch, and munched away with his eyes focused on the television screen. The blockbuster opening signaled a movie was playing.

"Hide," he attempted once more, but was promptly shushed. "It's about to begin, Kaneki. Be quiet."

He sighed. His golden-haired friend was the stronger one among them, due to his contribution on the track and volleyball team. Hide's slender frame was toned and tanned from the sun, and surprisingly stronger than it looked. Kaneki attempted one last push, but Hide shot him a look and smoothly pushed his chest back with a bare foot as he straightened to sit on Kaneki properly.

"Stay like that," Hide ordered.

He rolled his eyes and reached for his fallen book, having giving up all hope of getting free. The novel was too far. His fingers barely grazed the surface. He frowned into the distance, and was startled when Hide wordlessly handed it to him.

"Oh thanks," he said.

Hide simply nodded, his eyes were focused on the screen. The title _Inglorious Bastards_ floated over the screen before vanishing. There was a uniformed man walking through a field of daisies to a rickety house, where children were rushing to hide. How peculiar.

Kaneki turned his attention back to his book. But first, he had to go through the arduous task of relocating his page. He had initially used a bookmark, but that had fallen out. He disliked folding the corners of pages or rather any form of damage to his books. He formed stronger attachments to them than most real people. He never found that weird-he simply wasn't a people person. People tended to think him awkward and weird, and he enjoyed his private space so much he didn't bother to show them his otherwise dazzling personality.

Once he found his page, Kaneki found he couldn't ease back into the story. Sure, the tale was riveting, but there were too many distractions. Many involving his fiery-haired hamster of a friend.

One being the overwhelming warmth radiating from his entity. Kaneki's hands and feet were perpetually cold due to poor blood circulation. But he never noticed unless he felt some heat. Sure his lap was cozy and warm, but what about everything else? The urge to cuddle into his best friend was diverting his attention.

Also, there was the smell. The distinctive aroma of Hide. It was of sandlewood and pine, and always pleasant to him. For some reason, it was stronger today and he couldn't concentrate when the scent was engulfing his senses.

And the contact! Gradually, Kaneki became used to Hide's constant bursts of affection, which he released the only way he knew how; physical contact. The feel of Hide's hands and arms and hugs were imprinted into Kaneki's memory. His vast lack of familiarity to touch didn't help. His only other source of affection came from his mother in intermittent bursts, and even then she was often too tired to for even a hug. Now this?

It was overwhelming. Hide was sitting on his stomach with his legs intertwined with his, and his palm rested against his chest. He could hear each swallow, crunch, and intake of breath, and tried not to think about it. He pulled the book closer to his face, hoping his friend wouldn't notice the pink in his face, and attempted to read.

And he succeeded for the most part. All thoughts of Hide disappeared as he became immersed in the world of witchcraft and sorcery. Maybe thirty minutes had passed, or maybe two hours, but he later noticed an added weight on his shoulder that sidetracked his attention.

_What the…_

"Hide?" he asked softly.

The slender golden-haired boy didn't reply.

Kaneki put his novel away, and turned his head for a better view. The closed eyes and puff of air from each exhale confirmed that he was asleep. And of course, he was on him once again. Or more accurately, _next_ to him.

Hide had curled up around him. His messy hair tickled Kaneki's neck as he nuzzled into his shoulder. An arm hung off his stomach while their legs were definitely tangled on the opposite end of the couch. Laughing silently at the innocent look on his almost angelic face-the one that he now knew was expertly deceiving-he smoothly disentangled himself. After searching around the room, he found a blanket and draped it over his best friend.

After few unsure minutes went by, Kaneki packed up his things and left the room, making sure to say goodbye to Hide's grandparents as he left. Weird thoughts were formulating in his mind. He needed to distract himself fully with more books. Some harder material would have to do. He could probably find something from his deceased father's library. With that in mind, he walked home. The sun beat on smoothly. Summer was almost over.


	3. Moon

_**Moon - **_**Unhappiness. A scene that made you sad. / Illusion, fear, anxiety, insecurity.**

Unfortunately, summer was gone and school was soon upon them. With it, all the drama of pubescence and the additional responsibility of junior high. Kaneki never really hated school; in fact, he enjoyed it. He never minded the workload much, and he could deal with the teasing. He liked intellectual stimulation and learning new things.

What he didn't like was how Hide had to deal with the aftermath for being his voice. He was never hurt severely from the comments or shoves, but could instinctively tell whenever something hit a nerve for his best friend. Whenever he attempted to apologize, his friend would merely shake his head and wave it off. _It's fine_. As if he wasn't bothered by it. Well, Kaneki was bothered by it.

This year, he vowed to stand up for himself. So other people didn't have to. He was okay with being hurt, rather than hurting people. But he was hurting Hide by showing his pain, and then hurting him even more when Hide unabashedly confronted the other boys and paid for it through the retaliation. He was sick of it. This year things would have to change.

The first week of sixth grade went by smoothly. He even made new friends who enjoyed the same books as him. They made his classes pass by faster. He walked with Hide to and from school. There were new rumors this year about who kissed who, which Hide informed him on. There were actually couples now. They could be spotted shyly holding hands in the hallway and giving brief awkward-looking hugs while others cooed. Many girls were taller than the majority of boys, including him. He remained small and unnoticeable. Which was how he liked it.

But of course his luck had to end sometime.

It started occurring around the end of the second week. He was a lean spiky haired boy named Akari, and while he had no classes with Kaneki, they always seemed to bump into each other in the halls, with Kaneki tripping on his feet and the other boy holding back snickers with his friends. He assumed they were all coincidental accidents, but by the time the bumps turned into shoves, he sadly realized he was being targeted. He assessed himself; was it because of he was small and skinny? Did his awkwardness and halo of nerdiness signal him?

Whatever it was, Kaneki decided he'd have to keep it quiet. To prevent the issue from spiraling out of control. He could handle a few comments and shoves, after all. They were all made in jest; to make the boys feel better about themselves. To make themselves laugh. If he was lifting someone's spirit through the ordeal, it couldn't all be bad, right? As long as no one was hurt. And if he was, then so be it. He could deal with that.

But Hide couldn't find out. That one was obvious. Kaneki had no classes with him this year, and they almost never passed in the hallway. Once track season began, Hide would no longer be able to walk with him before and after school. Same with volleyball season. Kaneki decided it wouldn't be hard to keep it from him. So he enjoyed their face-to-face conversations and after-school study sessions while they lasted.

But then another hole formed in his plan.

The cause of the turmoil once again was due to Akari A month into school, the spiky haired boy decided that jokes and pushes weren't satisfying. One day, when Kaneki was focused on putting his books in his locker, he felt rather than heard the presence of the boys. They were talking loudly beside him about a girl. They said some rather wicked deleterious things that Kaneki didn't want to even think about. Uncomfortable, he quickened his pace and shrank in on himself. Hopefully they wouldn't-

"Hey! Look who it is, guys!" A cheerful voice said.

Kaneki stared into his locker and wondered if he could run for it.

"Who's that?"

"It's my little buddy! Kaneki, right?" He felt an arm fall around his shoulder and frowned at it. It felt heavy and wrong, and he couldn't help comparing it to Hide's warm grasps. His frown deepened when the bell rang, and the amount of students walking the hall suddenly decreased. Before long, it was empty except for the two of them.

"Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you." Rough fingers dragged his face to meet the other boy's smirking face. He noted that Akari's eyes were a steel gunmetal grey that shone in amusement. Nothing at all like Hide's warm gaze. He said nothing. That seemed to annoy the other boy even more. His face hardened and he was about to-

"God, you're such an asshole, Akari's," a friend interrupted, snorting with laughter. "You're scaring him. The little guy's about to piss his pants."

Akari stopped and turned to his friend with a crooked grin. "Shut up. I'm not scaring him." He turned to him and bared his teeth in what was supposed to be a smile. "Am I scaring you?"

He said nothing.

The boys laughed at that. Then they tripped him multiple times, which was apparently hilarious. One dark skinned boy in the back didn't laugh on que and appeared uncomfortable at times. Kaneki turned to him for help. His eyes boring into him with a silent message. The dark skinned boy swallowed his lips and looked away.

Then they shoved him into his own locker. Shutting the door, howling with laughter-and then were gone. Kaneki was silent throughout the entire deal. Humiliated, he shifted uncomfortably-the books were shoving into his skin at odd angles. He waited for a janitor or anyone to come by, but no one did until the period passed, in which he was too embarrassed to call out for one because of the overwhelming amount of students passing the hall. So he waited until the bell rang again and the kids vanished, when one befuddled janitor heard the muffled thuds coming from his locker and let him out.

He waited in the bathroom until the next passing period began. There was only one class left by then, and he was to tired to make it. Instead, he grabbed his belongings and left the building. For some reason, he was surprised no alarms rang at his exit. He always thought ditching school would be harder than that.

He headed home. His mother was likely at work, and his aunt was taking care of the kids. He froze. His aunt wouldn't want him there early. He had no reason to go anyway. Turning around on the sidewalk, he headed to the ice-cream shop instead. As he neared the entrance, he noticed a group of boys seated inside. In instinct he froze and inspected them from the window. Sure enough, they were all track boys.

A thick feeling sunk in his throat. It swelled up uncomfortably when he spotted the thick mess of fiery-hair. Hide wasn't supposed to be here. Not with his other group of friends who didn't even know Kaneki's name. The boys were supposed to be at school; why did they all decide to ditch today? And here of all places?

The awful feeling was quickly consumed by panic. Hide couldn't see him here. He'd ask questions and find out what had happened. He couldn't allow that to happen. He didn't want _anyone_ to find out.

Backing away, Kaneki turned around and ran away. He didn't know where to go. He wasn't welcome at home or school. He thought about the park but waved it away; what if they boys decided to go there? He finally found a nearby bookstore and almost cried in relief. It was the perfect sanctuary. He hid there and immersed himself in stories of escapism until he realized it was far past the time he was supposed to be home. Cursing, he ran back home, expecting a lecture but received none.

No one had even noticed. Shouldn't he have been relieved by this? Kaneki frowned and ran up the stairs. He didn't greet his mother and instead just threw himself into more books. Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day, he thought.

It wasn't.

While Akari nd his friends hadn't made another move, his humiliation still sunk his shoulder and made him hesitant to talk to others. For some reason, he simply couldn't pay attention during conversations and came off apathetic and disinterested. What was worse was that he didn't even care. He just wanted to read his books.

Then Hide had found him. Kaneki had seen him in the schoolyard and tried to avoid him, but unfortunately the fiery-haired boy had spotted him. He heard the rushing footsteps, and then the bone-crunching hug was upon him. Kaneki bit his lip hard to prevent any noise of pain from escaping, and rubbed his still sore shoulder afterwards.

Hide shot him a questioning look, and it was only then that Kaneki remembered that the hugs usually followed boatloads of complaint from him. Noticing the fault, Kaneki rushed out awkwardly, "you need to stop that, Hide."

The words sounded off and even he could tell. Hide thankfully didn't comment on it, and instead shot him a concerned look. "I heard from Koume that you weren't in class at all yesterday. What happened? Are you okay?"

That thick feeling in his throat returned. The panic that had subsided in his stomach rose up. Kaneki scratched at his chin and mumbled, "I'm fine. I just felt a little sick and went to the nurse. She wrote me a pass home."

Hide's concerned face made his stomach muscles clench. His golden hair was spiraling everywhere in a frenzy, and the skin between his brows furrowed in worry. The worst part was that he couldn't distinguish the look in his eyes. Kaneki decided to look away. "I'll see you later, okay?" He smiled at Hide. "Are you still up for video games tonight?"

Hide blinked. "Yeah, of course." He said, slowly. But Kaneki was already walking away.

Kaneki left a voice message for his friend later that day, giving a flimsy excuse as to why he couldn't make it tonight. It was about how he felt sick again, and nothing about the cut on his lip and the purple-green bruise blooming on his side. It was irrelevant, he decided. He spent the majority of his day in his dead father's library. To keep his mind from wandering he chose heavier books that were at a much harder level. Hide called him back, but Kaneki didn't pick up. His swollen lip made it slightly harder to talk. Hide would notice. He was thankful it was the weekend, and it'd heal before they'd have to return to school.

But this Jack situation was quickly becoming alarming. Kaneki couldn't fight them off. He decided he'd just have to avoid them as much as possible. Wasn't this year supposed to be the one without any trouble? It seemed his previous problems with teasing were only magnifying.

A few relatively calm days had passed since that day. Kaneki found himself relaxing. No one had found out, and perhaps now it was over. He still read in class whenever other children were socializing but couldn't find it in himself to care. He learned that talking to people was sometimes draining.

He'd rather not be involved. He had all he really needed; books, food, and Hide. His best friend who he hadn't seen since he cut off plans with him. Kaneki absently wondered if Hide had been upset, but pushed the thought away. He most likely was but Hide could never stay mad at Kaneki for long. Besides, being sick was a legitimate excuse…

When the last class of the day ended, Kaneki grabbed his belongings and rushed outside with the other kids. The western courtyard was more or less empty but that was the route he regularly took. As normal, Hide had track after school and wouldn't be able to walk with him. He was fine with that. Besides, track season would be over soon and his buddy would return to him.

When he heard footsteps behind him, he paid them no mind. Then there was the burst of familiar obnoxious laughter and he froze. Turning around slowly, Kaneki was saddened to notice the group of boys there with Akari n lead. Once they realized that Kaneki was aware of them, they snickered and surrounded him.

Kaneki absently noted that they were still within the courtyard, although there were few students milling about. It was as if he was invisible, because no one made any move toward him. The thick feeling in his throat was back, but he coughed out, "Leave me alone."

That sent the boys howling. Anger fueled in him, and he snapped. "It's not funny."

Akari snorted derisively, and shoved him to the ground. "Shut up. Your voice is really annoying. You should stay quiet."

His face burned, but the sudden pain in his side distracted him from the embarrassment. To make everything better, he felt warm liquid dripping from his nose. The red on his hands suddenly made him feel dizzy and sick. Absently, he heard thuds of footsteps and shouting, but it was all background noise. Then there were warm hand on his arms, around his shoulders, asking him if he was okay. Was he okay? Snapping out of it, Kaneki looked up into earthy brown eyes. Like cubes of solid sunlight, they glimmered golden in intermittent stops from the surrounding pools of light. Deep crevices of soft earth and flecks of gold were hidden inside.

"Oi, Kaneki, you okay man?" Hide was asking.

He felt the familiar warm hands around his shoulder; the breath against his ear. He relaxed into the hold.

He felt himself nodding. "I'm fine."

"You're bleeding," Hide pointed out.

"Oh." Kaneki looked at himself curiously. But then remembered. "Oh that. It's just a nosebleed," he said, and looked around, becoming more aware of his surroundings. He was astonished by the scene. Apparently, the track boys had chased away Jack and his crew, laughing as they were doing it. Hide and a couple others stayed to make sure he was okay. He couldn't believe his eyes. Didn't they have practice right now? Wouldn't their coaches kill them?

When he looked back at Hide, he almost winced at the expression on his friend's face. It erased every other thought than guilt in Kaneki's mind. Hide's expression was beyond annoyance-it was full of betrayal. Hurt. Confusion.

And this was what he wanted to avoid in the first place. Shame pushed down his shoulder, and Kaneki swallowed the thick lump forming in his throat. He tried to articulate the tangle of feelings in his stomach. "I just...didn't want you to have to…"

Hide sighed, understanding immediately. "For someone supposedly smart, you're really stupid."

"What?" He blinked.

"Nevermind. Let's get you cleaned up. And for the record, this isn't a hassle. I'm cool with getting a little bumped up if it's for you. That's what friends are for, right?"

Kaneki stared at him, his cheeks turned a bit pink. Then he nodded furiously, and looked down. "Right."


	4. Tower

_**Tower - **_**Sudden change, iconic scene or fav plot twist. / Disaster, upheaval.**

After Hide and his athletic crew had somehow asserted that Kaneki was a part of their gang and couldn't be touched, everything subsided.

He and Hide still hung out after school often, for study sessions or movie marathons that would last all night and end in inevitable sleepovers.*

Kaneki had become used to Hide falling asleep on him, and due to his unending clinginess and half-awake begging, Kaneki finally relented to sharing the bed. Hide was always pleased at the reluctant submission, and would nuzzle into him with vigor. However, every time he woke up confusion would slam into him from finding a foot either against his face or on his neck, and realizing the tangle of limbs that refused to rise was the resulting overnight transformation of his previously affectionate friend.

He secretly enjoyed those nights too much; the warmth and deep layers of their bond was the most comfortable environment. Or maybe he liked the room so much because he associated it with Hide. Or because every item there was inexplicably Hide-like; bright, strange, but pleasant.

"Kaneki?"

"Hmm?" He turned his head to meet his friend's gaze.

Hide smiled amicably. "Be at my house tomorrow around eleven-ish."

Hide's family had invited him out on a get-together on the beach. He had been spending more time with them recently. Anything to get away from his wreck of a family. Not wanting to be a bother, he was going to initially decline but Hide's impeccable persistence had won him over.

"I'll be there."

The next morning Kaneki was tipping his head back upon the headrest, looking out the window at the moving scenery while keeping half an ear tuned in to the conversation in the minivan. Hide's shoulder would sometimes brush against his own as he moved around. The fiery-haired boy was focused on playing some game on his phone, although he still managed to contribute.

Hide's parents were in the front seat. His mom was nothing like Kaneki's. She was boisterous and unapologetic. It was understandable where Hide received most of his appearance from. The lady was tall and her hair spread out in interlocking messy orange waves. Hide's father was more toned down yet equally carried an air of good-humored carefreeness.

Kaneki bit back his jealousy. It wasn't fair to compare parents. The world worked in mysterious ways and he should be grateful for knowing them, right?

"Kaneki?"

"Mhnm?" He turned around to greet brown eyes.

They were playfully energetic. Glowing, almost.

"Stop thinking so hard-I can feel it on my skin." Hide made a face, and whined, "Mom, do we have to move? Why can't the other boys sit in the back?"

"Don't be rude, Nagachika Hideyoshi! I taught you better than that. Always be considerate of others before they even think of asking."

Next to him, Hide mumbled, "Sorry."

He glanced at Kaneki. "I guess we're stuck in the back."

Kaneki shrugged. "I don't mind."

The car had stopped near a driveway, while they waited for some others to arrive. To be honest, Kaneki hadn't even known Hide had invited other people and was surprised at the turnout.

They were track boys, of course. Plenty of them. Beaming and far too enthusiastic. Once Kaneki and Hide had switched to the back seats, they piled in. Kaneki noted that some weren't athletes but rather other jokesters that had complemented Hide's easygoing personality.

Where did he fit in?

He shook the unpleasant thought away. This was simply another outing with his best friend. He would still enjoy it even if the amount of people increased.

He jumped a little when he felt the arm around his shoulder, but then relaxed into it. He looked at Hide and gave him a reassuring smile. _I'm fine_.

Seeing straight through it, Hide leaned close to say into his ear. "I wanted it to be just us too, but my mom thinks we need to 'socialize more.' It's not healthy to stick with only one person, apparently."

Laughing a little, Hide leaned closer to whisper, "She doesn't get us."

Kaneki couldn't help the involuntary shiver from his hot breath. Something warm pooled in his stomach at the words, but he couldn't articulate it.

The rest of the ride passed relatively smoothly. The energetic coil around the other boys calmed as time went by and they tired out. However, as soon as the minivan neared the beach, it shot right back out. They sped from the vehicle, running into the sandy shore as soon as the car stopped.

Hide and Kaneki followed at a slower pace. They weren't in as much of a rush to get in the water. When he turned his head, Kaneki noticed Hide's parents were laughing as they talked to each other and grabbed the materials from the trunk. The bright sunlight glimmered their tall figures, and the breezy autumn wind swirled their hair in dance verses.

Something strange tugged in his stomach, but all thoughts of it vanished when Hide grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the sandy dunes.

"Should we make a sandcastle, or do you want to bury me? Or we could go swimming. Can you swim, Kaneki?"

"Uh…Not really," he admitted, with a faint blush.

Hide smiled eagerly. "I can teach you! But first we'll need the floaties. They're in the trunk."

Grabbing his hand again, Hide led the way back to where their car was parked. Hide's mother was still unloading items with a pleasant hum, while his father was setting up their spot. Upon their arrival, Hide's mother asked, "So what do you boys need?"

"Floaties! And goggles too, I think. I'm going to teach Kaneki how to swim!"

"I already kind of know how," Kaneki protested with a whine.

"Shh." Hide placed a hand over his mouth, and addressed his mother. "He doesn't know what he's saying."

Hide's mother laughed loudly. It was a nice sound. Full of love and abundance. He noticed how Hide's smile widened at it. She finally turned to face them, and looked startled for a second. Her eyes were focused between them, and it took Kaneki a few moments to realize she was staring at their jointed hands.

As if Hide had just realized this too, he quickly let go.

"So are there any floaties?" His fiery-haired hamster of a friend asked with fake oblivience.

Hide's mother pushed back her thick, curly mane of hair, and scrutinized them carefully. She finally passed them the necessary items. "Here you go. Have fun, boys."

"Thanks, mom! We will," Hide said as they walked away.

Kaneki couldn't get the image out of his mind. Why was Hide's mother staring at him like that? It was like confusion but also...suspicion? Or did he imagine it?

Whatever it was, he forgot as soon as Hide grabbed his arm and rushed him back to the shore. Without hesitation, his friend stripped out of his collared shirt and shorts, leaving him only in his dark blue swimming trunks. His skin glowed golden from the sunlight, and his thick messy hair was shooting everywhere as usual.

Kaneki felt an urge to run a hand through it, to pat it down, and was surprised at the compulsion.

_What on earth…_

"Kaneki! Oi, are you going to just stand there or what?"

Feeling heat pool in his cheeks, Kaneki looked at the sand sliding around his feet. He took off his shirt and shorts to reveal his own swimming trunks. When he glanced up, he was relieved to find Hide was no longer looking in his direction, but instead squinting into the shoreline with the floaties in his hand.

"Whoever makes it to the water last is a hot-ironed pig!"

With the sudden declaration, Hide was off sprinting.

Eyes widening, Kaneki stumbled after him, shouting how that wasn't fair.

As the sand underneath wettened, he gained stride to catch up. The water splashing under his feet, and creating riveting ripples in the although towing current. The winner was obvious but Hide feigned a close tie with his pleasant laugh.

They waded cautiously further in until the green-blue glimmering water was up to their waists. They splashed each other frequently, but when an immense thawing wave came crashing over them, they were completely soaked.

Kaneki couldn't help a shudder from the shock of the sensation. He was _cold_, _cold, cold. _The post-summer heat had thoroughly mitigated in exchange for the intermittent autumn breeze. The sun was bright and lavish, yet Kaneki wished it burned more intensely today as goosebumps ran up his spine.

"Are you cold?"

Kaneki turned to look at Hide. What he saw made his throat dry up. With his skinny frame and skin glistening wet, Hide's skinny shoulders hunched in as he tried to warm himself, rubbing his arms rapidly. His golden hair was dark and drenched, falling flat over his forehead and dripping. His face was scrunched up from the water trickling into his eyes. His almond eyes that were a concerned pool of deep brown.

"Kaneki?"

He blinked.

Understanding seeped through, and he furiously nodded his head. Hopefully, the heat he felt in his cheeks wasn't visible. "I'm f-freezing," he agreed. "Y-you?"

Hide moved his shoulders weirdly in what Kaneki assumed to be a shrug.

Hide's pale lips cracked a smile. "I still need to teach you how to back peddle. We're just going to have to warm up then."

To say the least, Kaneki was considerably surprised when his friend pounced on him. He fell back into the water with a gush of liquid to his open mouth. The tangle of limbs upon him weighed him down although they resurfaced quickly.

Kaneki spit out sea water and glared at the taller boy who was laughing.

"What is wrong with you?"

Hide grinned. "Didn't that boost your heart rate right then? Didn't that get your blood going?"

Kaneki could only stare at him.

"Don't give me that look! It worked, see? Your face is so red now."

With a finger, Hide poked him playfully in the nose, suddenly in close proximities. He felt a hot breath against his cheek-then it vanished, and Hide was moving away from him.

"Come on! We have to go further in if you want to learn."

He licked his salty lips, and followed in that direction.

Once he caught up near his golden-haired friend in the area he deemed acceptable, the water shimmered green-blue against the bright sunlight and lapped cold goosebumps along their necks.

"Where are the floaties?" Kaneki asked after a moment's scrutinization.

Hide's eyes widened comically, and he looked around in a frenzy. There was nothing but more seawater surrounding them. They had strayed significantly from the everyone else. The other boys were close to the shore tossing a beach volley ball back and forth. The occasional cheering and shouts mingled with laughter arose from that area.

Hide have an uneasy laugh and scratched the back of his head. "Whoops. I guess we'll have to do without them."

"How?" Kaneki asked. "I can't-"

"I'll just hold you." Hide shrugged. "That's the same way my dad taught me."

"You're not that much bigger than me," Kaneki protested. "How will you be able to?"

Hide scrunched up his nose in thought. He finally sighed. "I guess you're right. But I can still make sure you don't fall. It can't be that hard."

Noticing his friend's pessimistic look, Hide added, "Don't worry about it. Trust me, nothing bad's going to happen. Worse case scenario is you having to spit out more sea water."

Weighing the logic in his mind, Kaneki reluctantly agreed. "...so what do I do now?"

"Um... do this?" Hide turned on his back with his arms outstretched and floated for display.

Then he straightened himself. "Now you try."

With a gulp, Kaneki attempted to mimic Hide's easy-looking actions, but swiftly sank into the waves instead. He resurfaced as a breeze hit them; more goosebumps shone on his skin and he shivered.

"I can't do it."

"Sure you can!" Hide encouraged. "You just need some support! Try again, here."

The cold was pushed back when his friend's warmth surrounded him. Hide gripped Kaneki's back as he attempted floating again. Although he kept sinking, his time floating gradually became longer.

Once Kaneki had re-emerged, splashing from the waves, he spit out sea water and coughed out. "Hide-no more. Let's go back. I'm shriveled."

He held up his shriveling fingers as proof as Hide threw his head back to laugh.

"Fine, fine. This was a good day though."

"It sure was," Kaneki agreed as Hide's familiar arm came down around his shoulder. It radiated heat and he couldn't help leaning into his friend to escape the cold. At their close proximities, Hide's precious scent of sandalwood and pine, mixed with sweat and salt infiltrated his nostrils. Hide felt so _warm_ and _good_. Looking up, he stared at the dripping flat mess of Hide's hair and couldn't resist the compulsion.

Kaneki reached out and pushed the sopping golden hair away from his forehead, running his hand through it, and molding it into place.

"Kaneki?" Hide asked softly.

Kaneki stared mesmerized by the pink bud lips. His hand was lightly touching Hide's cheek when he realized what he was doing. Heat traveled down his head and to his toes. Then the mortification tore through him.

"I'm s-sorry! I d-didn't m-mean to-Your hair was just...So I...and it wouldn't-" He blushed hard. He knew he was rambling but couldn't seem to stop.

Warm arms shook his shoulders, and his mouth finally shut up.

"It's okay, it's okay. Don't worry about it," Hide laughed. "You're so weird at times. Let's just go back, okay?"

He was silent for a second. "Okay."

They waded back to where the other boys were drying off. They asked where the two boys had been but Hide had waved it off with a laugh and vague answer that they didn't question. They piled back into the car, where Hide's shoulder again brushed against Kaneki's, and he tried not to focus on that but couldn't help it.

The only thought that kept tumbling over in his head was: What just happened?


	5. Hierophant

**Hierophant - Group identification. Fave group. Knowledge / deception / duality.**

_16 years old - high school_

Everyone has seen movies or read books involving various perspectives on high school life. Some teenagers genuinely enjoy it, mildly protesting the workload and classes but overall liking the experience. Others despise the entire system and would choose to not take a part in it if they could have their own way; ditching class frequently for better utilization of their time. There's kids who thrive in the competitive atmosphere and strive to achieve in all sectors of academia or athletics. There's also those who suffer, where the workload and adolescent environment hit them hard. Then there's those who don't belong; some in outstandish ways and others in less significant ones.

If you were to categorize Kaneki Ken, he would fall into the lattermost group. As an avid book enthusiast, and science fiction lover, he didn't mind. For Kaneki, slight shadows and corners of rooms were comforting. He liked and was grateful for his perpetual cloak of invisibility-most of the time at least.

One of those times was now.

"Ugh it'd never work out. He'd never say yes." The irony was that Kayo Woobin was saying this. The fierce sharp long-haired beauty who held many admirers and who even Kaneki was slightly afraid and in awe of. And she was angsting over his best friend. Hide, who once threw up in his teacher's purse for lack of a different place during a field trip and then lied about it. Hide, who accidentally swallowed a key when they were younger and then cried about it for hours.

"You don't know that unless you ask. The worst thing that could happen is that he'd say no."

"That'd be humiliating!" Kayo chewed on her nails.

"Oh calm down-you know he'd be really nice about it. It's Hide, after all. Plus, you're intelligent, funny, athletic, and pretty. If he's not into you, then he might just...not be into girls in general."

"Oh. Yeah. He's never dated anyone before too."

"And he's always hanging with the track boys. Who do you think he's most likely to be secretly fucking? Probably Hajime. Or Katsu."

"Akira! You can't say things like that!"

"I think it'd be Hajime. They look like the best of friends. And they're always together."

Feeling the tips of his ears turning pink, Kaneki stared down into his water bottle. What was the wrangled twisting in his stomach?

He wanted to tell them that sure, Hajime was a good runner, but he was not Hide's best friend. Kaneki held that position. But it was true; Hide never did mention the topic of girls with him. The farthest he's reached had been casual comments about nice legs or soft looking hair but never anything serious. Did Hide think he couldn't talk to him about things like that?

Kaneki bit his lip and checked his phone.

Hide friend was late. This wasn't necessarily anything new, however. As a truly social animal, Hide was probably being intercepted by multiple friends. Kaneki would know, considered he was a long-time walking companion to and from school. That is, until track practice and swimming season began…

He tugged at his hair and blushed when he noticed Kayo staring at him. As if in imitation, a light pink colored her cheeks and she appeared slightly flustered upon realizing she had been caught. She averted her gaze, but Kaneki watched on in confusion before the embarrassment washed over him.

_Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Look away._

_They don't even know your name._

_They probably feel bad for you._

Kaneki stared at his drink. He did look like he was being stood up, having sat there for over twenty minutes. A part of him wanted to tell them it wasn't a date, and he was simply meeting up with a friend. But another larger part of him was too embarrassed to.

So he stared at his drink some more.

Once more time had passed, Kaneki decided to call it a day and head home. He stood up and exited the cafe, tossing his drink in the garbage. It had gone cold anyway. Hide probably forgot about the commitment. It was no big deal. As long as Hide was enjoying himself, Kaneki couldn't find it in himself to complain. That would be selfish, right? It wasn't as if Hide was only his to enjoy, other people had discovered his brilliance and it was expected that he'd move on to bigger and better things.

Kaneki realized the ache spreading through his stomach was because of his gloomy thoughts. He seemed to be having a lot of those lately.

"Kaneki!"

_Huh?_

"Yo, Kaneki! Hold up!"

Something fluttered in his stomach, and after an anticipating second, Kaneki turned around and was not disappointed. A small smile overtook his lips at the image of his ruffled golden-haired friend hurrying down the street.

However, his smile quickly flew off his face once he realized that with the momentum Hide was gaining, along with his speed, there was no way…

"Oof!"

The collision knocked the breath out of him, per usual. He really should've seen that coming.

"Kaneki! I haven't seen you in forever! How's it going, buddy?"

"Hide… I can't breathe…" Kaneki managed to choke out in a garbled voice. With what sounded like a sigh of reluctance, Hide loosened his hold yet didn't let go. Kaneki really wanted to point out that they were yet again in the middle of the street, but he didn't think his friend would care much.

"Good. Serves you right," Hide mumbled into the skin of his collarbone.

Kaneki suppressed a shiver. "For what?"

How he managed to keep his voice steady was a mystery. Hide seriously needed to move back a step so his nerves could calm down. It was as if his senses had a keen Hideyoshi Nagachika presence button, and would immediately go into alert mode, with neurons rapidly firing, whenever the golden-haired boy was too near.

"For… well, I don't know. I guess everything's my fault, isn't it?" Hide moved back to look at him with an undecipherable expression.

Kaneki was too relieved by the distance to notice. The volume of the street returned to normal. As well as his heart rate; it was almost embarrassing how loud it would get sometimes. Then his friend's words registered, and he frowned.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"This," Hide said, looking mournful with a pout on his face. "I never see you anymore. Remember, rabbits die when they're lonely."

Kaneki chuckled softly. "Hide, I doubt you're lonely with all the activities you have constantly going on."

"You don't know that," his friend scolded with an admonishing poke to his nose.

With a light laugh, Kaneki shrugged it off. He didn't particularly believe Hide, but chose not to comment. His friend started talking about some school thing but he couldn't focus. Because he still felt it. The wall. It had been rising ever since they entered high school. Or maybe Kaneki was the wall. The thought left a sour taste in his mouth.

"Kaneki, oi! Are you listening?"

He snapped to attention, and gave his friend a sheepish smile.

"Sorry," he said. "I've been really tired these past few days."

Hide gave him that easy going smile he loved. "No worries. We need to catch up anyways. Your place?"

Kaneki's stomach twisted, and he searched his mind urgently for an excuse. It's too messy? My pipes are under construction? I have people over? No. None of those would work. What could he say...

"You know what, I actually have something I want to show you at my place. Do you mind?"

_Did he read his mind?_

Choosing not to question it, Kaneki smiled with relief. "Not at all."

Hide's home held the same amount of coziness and warmth as it always did. His room hadn't changed at all since he had last been there, which was comforting for some reason. Kaneki had expected it to be slightly awkward considering it had been so long since his last visit, but it wasn't. They simply fell back into place, as if they had never been apart. With Kaneki reading a book in his usual spot by the couch, and Hide munching on chips as he tried to find something to watch on the television. The silence was comfortable.

"I found it!" Hide suddenly exclaimed.

"What?"

"Relts. It's an old movie about a detective discovering the presence of these strange creatures, called relts, in his town. I've been meaning to watch this for a while now," Hide chattered happily.

"Oh," Kaneki said, watching absently as his friend put the cd into the video player and tweaked with the menu. Then a flickering thought returned to him. He asked, "Hide?"

"Yeah?"

"What was that thing you wanted to show me?"

The speed at which his friend sprang up was startling. "Right! I almost forgot! Here, sit tight while I go get it."

With that last word, the golden-haired boy pushed the bag of chips into his arms and vanished into one of the halls. And Kaneki did sit tight for a couple minutes-that is until he got a foot cramp.

Wincing at the pain, he tried wiggling his toes and found that it only made the discomfort worse. Having read that walking around was a good remedy, he stumbled up and made his way around the room. The pain slightly eased and he relaxed some, and gained more awareness of his surroundings.

His non-cramping foot was stepping on something… Looking down, he frowned at the paper clippings and clothes thrown about on the floor. Hide seriously needed to clean up a bit. After a moment of deliberation, he decided that he might as well fix that area up. It was bothering him a lot, after all. And it'd be a nice thing to do, so why not? He doubted that Hide would mind.

He leaned down and gathered all the papers into a neat pile on one side. The action uncovered a lot of floor space, in itself. Then he set to picking up and folding some the randomly strewn clothes littering the area. They ranged from stained shirts and shorts, to boxers and ties. Having already seen his friend in nothing but boxers multiple times, Kaneki set to the job with ease. After most of the clothes were filed away in piles, he blinked upon noticing one certain clothing attire, and then blinked some more. He felt his ears turn pink.

It was a lacy bra.

Kaneki stood up, biting his lip. His stomach had quickly rearranged itself into callous knots. The calm peace he felt moments ago had vanished, and an awkward mixture of emotions took its place. There was no reason for him to be weird about this; so why did his stomach muscles clench every time he glanced at the thing?

Because of everything it represented? The mature adult world of sexual adult things that Hide was entering, and therefore leaving him behind? They were sixteen years old though; wasn't Hide supposed to be interested in that kind of stuff anyways? How come they never had conversation about anything of that sort? Who was the girl-and why hadn't Hide said anything about her?

He frowned and paced around the room. Was it because… he didn't want to make Kaneki feel bad? Was that it? Hide was always looking out for his feelings. But this was uncalled for. He knew his friend was bound to be more popular, and more well-liked in general. It didn't hurt him-the fact that he hadn't been told was what was causing the ache spreading through his side. That was it… right?

Incoming footsteps told him Hide was about to arrive. Panicking, Kaneki sprang back into his original position on the couch in a hurry, like people usually do when they aren't thinking. The piles of clothes and paper he had organized was still behind the couch and he could only hope that he wouldn't notice.

"It took a while to find it-as you can see I'm not the most organized person but the wait was worth-Hold up. Why do you look like you stepped on a lego? I swear I don't have any here."

"That's just my face," Kaneki said. "Let me see it."

After a questioning look, Hide held out the book. It was one by his favorite author: Sen Takatsuki. It was hard cover, thick, and black. Surprised, he smiled and took it. His fingers grazed over the pages. "How did you know I…"

"How would I not know? You're always reading something by her. I saw it at the bookstore when I was buying my art history textbook and was reminded of you… So I bought it too."

Kaneki finally tore his eyes away from the book. "Thank you."

Hide pulled at his collar and plopped down on the armrest next to him. "No problem. You can repay me by sharing what you were thinking about earlier."

His ears turned pink again and he was pretty sure he was blushing, so he stared adamantly at his lap. "It's n-nothing."

"Well, I'm sure it's something." Hide wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and Kaneki blushed harder. His Hide sensors were firing rapidly, and something pleasantly warm coiled around his stomach. These feelings needed to stop.

"I j-j-just…" His stuttering was awful. Too embarrassed to continue, he covered his face with his hands and motioned behind them.

The shuffling noise told him that Hide was looking at the piles of clothings and papers, along with the sole bra, behind the couch. Not wanting to see his reaction, Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut, expecting admonishment.

So he was really surprised to hear Hide laughing. Really hard, too.

Looking up at him, Kaneki asked, "What's so funny?"

Hide grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks together. "You are. You're hilarious, oh God."

Kaneki batted his hands away from his face. "What do you mean?"

Hide snorted. "It's not what you're thinking of, that's for sure. The guys were playing a prank on me, and it involved a lot of whip cream and lacy bras. It took me hours trying to get rid of everything, but I'm sure you'd find more of them somewhere around here if you cared to look."

With a dubious look, Kaneki asked, "What exactly was the prank?"

"Well, they kind of wrecked my room while I was sleeping. And took pictures. It was vengeance for this other prank I participated in against them, so I guess it was solicited."

"The track boys?"

"Well, mainly just Leo, Hajime, and Katsu. And Toni Li, if you know him. He doesn't do track, but he's on the Volleyball team at Westminster High."

"Oh." Kaneki's stomach muscles clenched at the names of the boys Kayo and Akira were talking about earlier in relation to Hide. They must be somewhat close, right?

"Yeah. But I wouldn't-I mean. I don't do things like that. Just so you know." Hide was pulling at a stray string on his hoodie, not looking at him as he said this.

Kaneki's face felt hot.

"Oh um, it's fine. I mean-it's fine if you did. It's understandable that you would want to… d-do that stuff?"

Hide stopped what he was doing, and turned to him with a serious look in his eyes. His cheeks had a light dusting of pink on them, reminiscent to Kayo's earlier that same day. Kaneki absently thought that the flustered shade looked much better on Hide's soft skin.

"No. You misunderstand me. I don't want to... do that stuff… with other people." Hide said, looking away.

"Oh okay," Kaneki said dumbly. What was Hide trying to say? "I wouldn't either."

Hide stared at him, his freckled face becoming more and more pink. It was only then that Kaneki noticed how close they were. When had that happened?

"Kaneki?" Hide said, softly. He was too close now. His warm breath brushed Kaneki's face pleasantly. His nerves were twitching, and his Hideyoshi Nagachika sensors were firing madly. His skin was tingling as well, and he couldn't decide if he wanted the golden-haired boy to back away or come closer.

"Yeah?" Kaneki finally answered, in a breathy voice.

"You're an idiot." Hide said, before he closed the gap and pressed his lips to his.

At first he was frozen. It took a few seconds for him to snap out of his shock and respond in turn. His eyes fluttered shut. The first thought that burst into Kaneki's head was that Hide tasted as good as he smelled. Like strawberries and summer. The second thought was that he was kissing Hideyoshi Nagachika. He was _kissing_ his best friend. Who was a _boy_. Who was his most precious person in the world. What on earth was happening? And the third thought? The third thought was that he liked it. It felt...nice. Natural. Good. _Extremely_ good. Was he attracted to his friend? The more he thought about it, the more pieces fell into place. Of course he was attracted to his best friend. Hide always looked and smelled and felt lovely to him. Normal friends probably didn't get flustered upon skin contact as he did. Normal friends didn't kiss. What was going to happen to their friendship? Kaneki couldn't lose him. The thought made him panic and throw himself more deeply into the kiss.

There were warm hands cupping his jaw, and sliding to his neck. Hide's thumb was rubbing circular patterns on his collarbone that sent his skin on fire. The scent of Hide was everywhere and driving him crazy. Having to breathe, he pulled back reluctantly, opening his eyes and feeling quite dazed.

The triumphant smile on Hide's face had his face turn even more red. What did all of this mean? "W-why did you do that?" Kaneki asked, shakily.

"Isn't it obvious? Because I like you. And I know you like me too so don't try to deny it." Hide said confidently, that wide smile never leaving his face.

Astonished, Kaneki sat there touching his lips, as if there was an imprint left on them. Everything was too much all of a sudden. He shot up and grabbed his things.

"Wait, Kaneki. Just wait one second. I'm sorry-I didn't mean to-"

"I've got to go...do something. I just." He paused awkwardly, not willing to look his friend in the eye. "Goodbye."

And with that last one he ran out the door. He passed Hide's mother in the hallway but was too embarrassed to say anything other than a quick farewell. What could he say? _Sorry, I think I might be in love with your son? I know you're probably not too fond of me, but we already kissed?_ No. That wouldn't do at all.

He walked quickly to his Aunt's house, and ran into his room. No one greeted him but that was as expected. After his mom died, he felt like a stranger in the house. He heard his phone beeping multiple times but threw on his bed, refusing to check the messages. He walked to the bathroom, gripping the edges of the sink as he stared in the mirror. His lips were red and slightly swollen, his hair was unusually messy, and his face was pink.

He looked like a mess. Absently wondering what Hide's mom had thought, he decided to take a quick shower. With the cold water running down his skin, his head was able to clear. The only thing he could think was: _I hope I didn't mess everything up._


	6. Lovers

**Lovers - Love / union / relationships / values alignment / choices.**

The first few moments after Kaneki's awakening are filled with a soft lull that's typical of Saturday mornings. Light was gently streaming through the curtains in undulations, and warmth encompassed him from the woolen blankets. The windows were open slightly, and good willed chatter of mockingbirds filled the air. A late autumn breeze had slipped through the cracks, and Kaneki could feel the brief cold on his bare feet.

Sighing, he paused momentarily before allowing himself to look at the time. Squeezing his eyes shut, he grabbed his phone from the bedside table and clicked it before opening his eyes.

_Ten missed calls from Hideyoshi Nagachika._

_Twenty-two texts from Hideyoshi Nagachika._

_One voicemail from Hideyoshi Nagachika._

Kaneki jumped to an upright position, the phone falling from his shaking hands as his memories relived the other day. He absently heard the phone clatter to the phone, but had to brace himself for a couple seconds before looking down at it. What had he done?

He really didn't want to pick it up. He didn't want to hear Hide's rejection; didn't want to see what he knew he would. There was no way anyone could not be pissed off after his reaction yesterday.

He was such an idiot.

Kaneki groaned and covered his head in his hands. There was no way someone like Hide could feel anything even remotely close to the painful consuming ache he had in his chest upon thinking of him. There was no way. Hide would've said something earlier. There would've been hints or something. And there was also the danger of the possibility of having something more. The danger of total destruction; whatever bond between them resulting in a complete catastrophe. The idea made Kaneki's throat close up. Whenever he remembered how much he cared, it seemed to swallow him up.

He couldn't lose Hide.

Panic guided his fingers to snatch his phone and skim through the messages. They ranged from apologetic, regretful, concerned, to slightly annoyed. The latest one was from twenty minutes ago: _Can we talk? Today your place?_

Kaneki bit at his lip, searching for excuses at he looked at his room. Books lined the wall orderly and nothing was out of place. There wasn't much there besides his school things, closet, and bed. It resembled more of an empty motel room-with someone who was ready to leave at any second. It wasn't home. It was nothing like Hide's cozy room.

His eyes flitted back to the screen at the sound.

A new message appeared: _I'm coming over._

Eyes widening, Kaneki swallowed his lips in panic. He responded quickly: _Don't. I'm not home._

The next message arrived after a pause of a few minutes: _Where are you?_

Kaneki texted back: _I'm not home. I need some time alone._

After a moment's hesitation, Kaneki added: _I'm sorry._

A dreadful pause had him panicking that Hide knew. He knew that Kaneki was sitting slumped in his pajamas in his bedroom freaking out over the text and lying his mouth off.

The ding had him start and the phone almost slipped out of his clumsy fingers again.

All Hide responded with was: _ok._

Kaneki sighed, not knowing what that meant but at least his friend was no longer heading over. As they had grown older, Kaneki become more conscientious of his broken his family was in comparison to Hide's model one. His father had died when he was young, and his mother was working hard to pay some unknown debt to his unimpressible aunt. He had learned over the years that she didn't even like them very much; the feelings were close to despise actually. And he never became close with his cousin. Kaneki had an inkling his cousin didn't like him either. It wasn't a comfortable environment, and he didn't like showing Hide that.

It wasn't that they were rude to him. No, his mother adored the golden haired boy, as well as his aunt. His cousin held this strange hero worship of him for some reason too. His entire family held an implicate confusion as to why this funny, charming guy was on such close terms with the dull, introverted Kaneki Ken. He didn't blame them; he wondered about it too.

It was too revealing. He didn't like the inquisitive glances Hide would make his way whenever his aunt said something snappy to him or his cousin made a comment on about his mother. Because he knew what Hide was asking him in the flicker of a glance. And he didn't want to have to answer. The answer was too embarrassing and traitorous to his family. He couldn't say he didn't like it there. Because he had to be there for his mother. And he didn't want Hide to worry about him.

But that seemed as if that was all he was making his best friend do, considering the many calls. Kaneki pondered over calling back but hesitated and decided not to. He got up and took a quick shower. The cool water cascading down his skin made him feel more steady on his feet. He and Hide would talk again after this, he reassured himself. It was only a short break.

After munching on an apple and some cereal, Kaneki grabbed his backpack and jacket before taking off. The house was quiet as he gently closed the door so to not disturb anyone, before taking the path that led to the bookstore, where he usually did his homework.

He settled in his usual spot, and organized his materials to be in the right positions before beginning with the calculus problems. He whizzed through it, needing to concentrate on something heavy and distracting. He ended up finishing most of his homework under two hours, and began reading a book. The delicious aroma of a snickerdoodle had divided his attention. Glancing up, his eyes followed the willowy girl in the other aisle with the treats in her hands.

If Hide was here, he would be chatting away unashamedly to her by now. Kaneki chuckled at the thought, until he remembered that Hide probably wouldn't want to be anywhere near him right now. The thought quickly dampened his mood.

He had to talk to him.

What on earth had he planned to do with this silly grade-school avoidance?

Pulling himself upright, Kaneki grabbed his things in a hurry and checked himself out. The sky had shifted to a darker shade for the evening. He hadn't known he had spent so much time there. As he walked over to Hide's house he pondered what to say. Once the rectangular brick house appeared he raised his fist to the door, but then remembered they had a doorbell, and rang instead.

One of Hide's cousins appeared behind the door; looking agonizingly like his best friend. His name was Lyle or Ethan-Kaneki couldn't remember. "Is Hide here?" he rushed out all in one breath.

Lyle or Ethan smiled widely at him. "Hey Kaneki! I haven't seen you in so long!"

Kaneki forced himself to smile at the little kid, noticing how his question wasn't answered. So small talk it was. "Hey buddy," he said awkwardly, "Uh… how's it going? Middle school now, huh?"

"I'm in fourth grade now!" Lyle/Ethan beamed at him.

"That's g-great," Kaneki stumbled. Why did all of the Nagachika's have such bright smiles? "So… is Hide here?"

The little boy's smile faltered and he shook his head. "No, he's at some party. Toni, Hajime, and Katsu came over a few hours ago and forced him away-they were talking about going to Jetsen's? I don't know who that is."

Kaneki gave him a small smile. He didn't have the heart to tell the boy he didn't know half the kids he mentioned. What he did know, however, was the Jetsen's wasn't a person but a place. It was a club that Hide had mentioned going to in the past. Not really his scene, but…

"Thanks buddy," Kaneki said, taking a step back already. His mind was already conjuring up the path he'd have to take to get there.

"Lyle! Who's at the door?" Hide's mother called from somewhere further in the house. Kaneki suppressed the urge to sprint away.

"It's no one." Hide's cousin called back. "I'm just checking the mail."

Kaneki snapped to the boy in shock and only received a pointed look. How the little boy knew he didn't want to talk to her was beyond him. How he knew this was urgent was also beyond him. Kaneki didn't waste time to question him.

"Go!" Lyle shooed him off. "Tell Hide I say hi."

Still confused, Kaneki nodded and stepped off the porch, murmuring a soft goodbye. He heard the door creak close and wondered if meticulous perception was a trait all Nagachika's had or if it was just Hide and his cousin.

Then he made his way to _Jetsen's_.

The club was really not his scene. It was awful. It really wasn't hard to get in, considering he wasn't of age and looked much younger than an eighteen-year old if he was being honest. The bass-oriented, god-awful, dance music was throbbing and hurt his ears. The volume was unnecessarily booming, and he couldn't understand why people would go to a socializing event where they couldn't even hear the person right in front of them speak. Next was the overwhelming smell of whiskey and sex. Perfume and cologne was mixed in there with sweat due to all the writhing bodies on the dance floor. It was unbelievably uncomfortable how there was no such thing was personal space here. Kaneki frowned at the almost constant feeling of being touched, whether it was accidental or intentional; a brush of the shoulders or a grope.

Realizing there was a more secluded area by the bar, Kaneki rushed over there and sank down into one of the seats, feeling something tight coil in his stomach. Why did he come here? How was he supposed to find Hide?

"Would you like anything, sir?"

Kaneki snapped his attention to the bartender. With her red flowing hair, she smiled and motioned to the whiskey in her hand. "It's on the house."

"N-no thank you."

The bartender propped a hand on her hip and cocked her head as she stared at him. "How come? You don't drink?"

Kaneki shook his head rapidly. "No. I'm just looking for a friend."

"What does this friend look like? Perhaps I could help." She said nonchalantly, tapping her ruby red nails on the counter.

The idea appealed to him. Out of everyone, she was probably the best person to ask. Brightening up, Kaneki said, "You can't miss him. He's around my height but a few inches taller, has really disheveled golden-brown hair, and big doe brown eyes. He's a runner too; so he's thin but toned I guess. Uh, always wears bright colors and usually had a big pair of headphones around his neck."

The bartender nodded. "I know him. He came in with a group of good looking guys, then dispersed over there around the corner by the palm tree with someone. They're either still there or took the exit to the back alley."

Kaneki nodded his understanding and with a farewell, left for the area she was talking about. The amount of people dispersed as he neared the corner, and the coil around his stomach lessened some. He was about to check the back alley before realizing there was another secluded place almost hidden from everyone around the corner of a wall. Making the turn, his stomach dropped at the sight.

It was Hide alright. Sitting next to another boy with dark brown hair, he was resting his head on his shoulder. The other boy had an arm curled around his, pulling him closer and rested his chin on Hide's mass of golden-brown locks. Hide's eyes were closed but he appeared content. Kaneki felt his throat constrict, and his eyes stung from something he wasn't familiar with. The two looked completely innocent together, but Kaneki's mind was twisting as he turned around and walked away.

The club was suddenly ten times more awful than before. It was constricting his air flow. The music too loud, the people too close. He needed out. Pushing through the masses, Kaneki gulped in deep breaths as soon as he found himself outside again. The cold air felt amazing after the overwhelming heat of the dancefloor.

Who the hell was that boy? Why hadn't Hide told him anything? Did his friend go around kissing multiple people and cuddling up with them at strange clubs? Taking a deep breath, Kaneki told himself to calm down the storm brewing in his gut. It would do no good to go off on his friend like that. Besides, it wasn't as if he had any right to say anything. And he hadn't even seen them kiss-it was a rather innocent exchange. It could've just been comfort.

Even as he told himself these things, Kaneki couldn't shake the dread building in his stomach. He was going to lose Hide. He could feel it. Unless he did something… He couldn't lose Hide.

Blinking rapidly, Kaneki stared at the doors of the club as more giggling teenagers and college kids went inside. He wished that his best friend would come out and reassure him that everything was alright. That didn't happen.

After waiting outside for a couple minutes, Kaneki finally went home. It was his fault, wasn't it? He was the one who said he needed time. Did he really think spontaneously showing up would fix everything?

_Stupid._

The next few passed in relative silence. Kaneki received no texts from Hide, and hadn't attempted to communicate with him either. It was difficult considering how much he wanted to talk to him. Mortification of the earlier night at the club was holding him back.

He didn't want to look at Hide-the image of him next to that boy would reemerge and they would have to talk about that. Kaneki really didn't want to hear it. Because even if Hide denied that anything romantic had exchanged between them, the lingering feeling that it could've would still persist. Because Hide could have almost anyone he wanted. So why Kaneki? It simply didn't make sense.

So days came and passed without any contact. Kaneki felt himself folding into himself like a paper crane as nausea built up inside him. It wasn't medically induced, and he didn't know how to explain the black hole sucking up his stomach, and so he chalked it up to cramps and took more painkillers.

He went to school and back. He didn't usually see Hide in his normal schedule so he walked in peace. One day, needing a break from the sporadic bursts of fights within his household, Kaneki grabbed his things and took the path to the bookstore once again. The sky darkening for mid-evening once again, so the streets become more busy for the afternoon rush.

Not really paying much attention to where he was going, Kaneki bumped into someone and his books went flying. He mumbled an apology but the person had already left, walking right past him. Crouching down, Kaneki tried to pick up all his books as quick as possible within the crowds passing by, walking around him as a stream did to a particularly large boulder.

A hand had reached down and picked up one of his books for him. Sighing, Kaneki smiled until he saw the shoes. They were bright orange with Adidas logo on the side and smiley faces drawn in purple sharpy near the back. Kaneki remembered shaking his head as his friend stole his markers and 'made art' on his shoes during a movie marathon that felt ages ago.

Reluctantly, Kaneki stood up and wordlessly took the book from his friend, placing it in his backpack. Once he zipped the bag up, he met his friend's gaze and almost winced.

Hide's usually warm brown eyes that were filled with mirth were now blank, emotions carefully hidden from him. His face was overwhelmingly familiar; the sweet tip of his nose sloping down to his pink bud lips. The freckles sprinkling his cheeks were more vivid than he'd last seen them, and his face was slightly rashed pink from a clearly evident sunburn, due to track most likely. Although it was meticulously undecipherable, Kaneki felt the urge to touch his face and run his hands through the soft golden-brown hair.

_Stupid._

Kaneki frowned and stared at the pavement. His stomach muscles clenched uncomfortably. Was Hide going to reveal how he no longer cares now?

"Kaneki," something almost pleading was in his voice that made him look up. Hide's eyes flickered with pain for a second, but that was gone before Kaneki could question if he imagined it or not.

"Let's go talk someplace," Hide settled on, not looking away from him. "You don't mind, Hajime, right?"

Startled, Kaneki glanced around and found the dark-haired boy from the club standing a few feet away from Hide, clearly trying to give them some space. Although it was stupid, his anger returned at full force. How dare he?

The dark-haired boy, Hajime, said, "Not at all. I'll be in the bookstore if you need me." Before turning around, and heading in that direction after a comforting smile shot at Hide. Which Kaneki noticed his best friend returned.

Kaneki's teeth clenched as he glared at the receding back of the boy, knowing it was pointless but disliking how close the two seemed. When he returned his gaze to Hide, however, all the anger vanished from his features and gloominess took its place.

He messed up. He messed up. He messed up. He-

"Kaneki?"

He snapped to attention. "Yeah, I'm coming."

He followed Hide into some random store, allowing himself to be maneuvered to a secluded area where they could talk. Once Hide found the spot he wanted, he turned around and smiled at him. Kaneki couldn't help returning it, although it was a small one.

"So first things first," Hide began seriously. "How do you feel about me getting a mohawk?"

Not expecting that, Kaneki stared at his friend for a second, taking in his seriousness, before a chuckle slipped from his lips.

The pout forming on Hide's face reinforced that laughter, giving it a tide to float on as it bubbled out of his mouth, gaining strength and momentum as it released itself into the open air between them. Kaneki laughed pretty loudly for once, and enjoyed the feeling.

"It's really not that funny." Hide was indignant.

That only made Kaneki laugh louder.

"I would rock the punk look," Hide whined.

"I'm sure you would," Kaneki said, cupping his hands around his best friend's face and pulling him into a kiss. To be honest, he didn't even expect that from himself and he wanted to laugh at the surprise he could imagine on his friend's face, but settled for smiling against his soft lips. The wondrous aroma of peanut butter and strawberries filled his senses. It was a chaste kiss; lasting ten seconds at the most. Kaneki pulled back and smiled at his friend's red face. He caused that.

"What was that for?" Hide was the one asking this time, something bright lighting up into his eyes and his entire being glowed.

"I like you too," Kaneki replied in a hush voice.

Hide smiled widely. "I know," he said somewhat smugly.

"You know?" Kaneki inquired, raising an eyebrow. "I only just figured it out."

Hide smiled mysteriously. "I had an inkling since high school, but statement just validated it."

"So… that first kiss? It was based off of an inkling?" Kaneki teased.

"It was a strong one at that," Hide defended. "I wouldn't do so if I wasn't sure about it."

"Whatever you say," Kaneki said, smiling until something unpleasant popped into his head. "So who was that guy with you…?"

"Oh Hajime? He's a good guy. He does track but-wait, why are you making that face?"

Blanking his features, Kaneki inquired innocently. "What face?"

Hide let out a small laugh. "The sulking-kicked-puppy face. You know what I'm talking about." Suddenly, his face changed. "Hold up, are you jealous?"

Kaneki stammered to deny it. "N-no I'm n-not. It's just. I saw you two before-" He quickly shut up, feeling that mortification from the club running through him again. He stared down at the floor.

"Kaneki, finish that sentence."

He sighed but didn't say anything.

"Kaneki-"

"Okay okay," he said. "I just. The day after… it happened… I went to your house to talk but your cousin told me you were at Jetsen's." He paused to look at Hide's face. The golden-haired boy appeared frozen for some reason.

"I went there looking for you and saw you two together." Kaneki finished lamely. "So I left."

Hide said nothing.

"So… yeah. I just. I don't know what I thought," Kaneki added awkwardly, wishing he would say something reassuring.

"What exactly did you see?" Hide finally spoke up; his voice was careful.

Nervous now, Kaneki clarified, "Nothing much. You two were sitting...close. Uh your head was on his shoulder and his arm was around you."

"I kissed him!" Hide blurted.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I was drunk and lonely-I thought you were rejecting me! And Hajime's not even gay. He was nice enough to not freak out on me. He was comforting me, and then I thought he looked kind of like you in the lighting so I did it. Three seconds at most." Hide covered his face with his hands. "Stupid, right?"

Flabbergasted by his honesty, Kaneki opened his mouth and then closed it.

He sighed. "Well, I guess since you were drunk… it's fine."

Hide peaked at Kaneki through his fingers. "You forgive me?"

He laughed a little. "Well, it's not as if we were even together then."

Hide dropped his hands from his face, perking up. "So we're together now?"

He blushed and looked at the floor. "I mean. I don't know. I never said that."

When a warm hand tilted his face back to his, Hide was once again very close. His brown eyes warmed him pleasantly. His skin was on fire and he waited for the golden-haired boy to close the distance, unconsciously licking his lips.

"Well, I guess that's something we can figure out," Hide murmured, before closing the gap.


End file.
